Once upon a time, why not now?

So she said she'd tell him one day, when he's married with kids, "Once upon a time, I loved you."

I was incredulous. "Why not now?!"

It was the fear of rejection. When he's still available, a rejection hurts both the feelings and the friendship. But after he's committed, the crush would be history and a rejection is only natural, so they can laugh it off together. And remain friends.

My friend likes someone from abroad whom she is almost certain would never leave his home country because that is where his career is rooted. Likewise, she'd be at a loss of how to make a living if she'd moved there. It'd be a relationship of uncertainty and impossibility. And above all the uncertainties and impossibilities is the guessing game of "If".

"If" he even liked her. "If" he'd abandon life as it is to be with her. "If" she'd be able to survive where the language is wrong and her professional specialisation is still special. "If" she'd be able to take rejection graciously. "If" they could still be friends "If" she revealed her feelings to him. So she'll be content for now with a bit of online chat and some vacation meetings. So long they get to speak and see each other.

I wonder "What if" she quits being so rational, be a little reckless and turn all of the "If" into "What if". Like Walt Disney once did not so very long ago. "If" he had asked more "If" than "What if", would there have been an animation industry as we know it today?

"If" my friend would embrace the "What if" of Uncle Walt, maybe she'll stumble upon the light of happiness than wallow in the darkness of her heart's deepest pits.